Looking for the lioness at a horse ranch – Princess in training (entry 3)

Some time ago I took part in a MachoTherapy horse event – the topic of the event was about connecting to our savage parts. Savage part. Hmmm….this would mean something like the wild lioness…side I have.

I mean do I have that part?

I think I do?

The concept of these MachoTherapy events is that every participant gets his or her personal coaching so I stood in the group listening about relationships and how sometimes we are so trained to be in a certain type of connection with a person or a group of people that we forget ourselves. We grow up together to be something like a unit – kind of like a horse and his rider. The downside of this connection is that we might forget our natural instincts. We might forget our senses and sensitivity to do what we would like to do, feel what kind of herds we really want to belong to and what positions we would like to have in life.

Suddenly someone pushed me really hard.

For a split second I thought to myself: How rude can the people in the group possibly be? I got pushed again and when I looked it was Tristan – the horse I was standing next to who kept giving me playful nods. I am not a big person so a little nod was more like – loosing my balance falling on my bum- type of power. But I managed to stay on my feet. I wondered why the horse picked me to push in that moment.

I mean if there would be such a thing as a larger or greater connection then maybe he felt me react to a topic? Maybe he was saying: Hey yeah – did you hear that? The MT is so right!!! Where is your passion? Don’t you want to move? Did you check what you adapted to?Did you check what kind of life you want? Did you check what kind of position you chose for yourself? Maybe you need to feel more? Maybe you need to allow yourself to play more? Maybe you need to be pushed out of balance to wake up? Maybe you need to be pushed to wake up the lioness inside?

What a smart horse!

He kept pushing me for quite a while. I felt a bit embarrassed being thrown out of balance every now and then. I had no idea of how to stop him. But I definitely felt a roar start building up inside.

“Grrrrr….. I can’t control this thing playing with me”.

I guess the only one who paid attention was the MachoTherapist. He continued talking about how we can use an animal like a horse to understand ourselves – that the horse will react to what we send out. He will somehow mirror the feelings and emotions we give it. So if you sit on a horse he will be very sensitive to react to your mood and your body language. I wasn’t sitting on a horse but he was definitely reacting to me. He could have pushed anyone but he kept choosing me. Do I maybe have a sign on my forehead: Push me until I roar?

The funny thing is that since the course I got really out of balance – I started to fight and become a bit b**chy in the sense of the word. I guess some powerful topics were pushed to find something new and take a new position.

Thomas once said that, if you want to make a step in life you need to get out of balance. It’s like walking, if you don’t have an imbalance you won’t move. You won’t create a motion. So if you are comfortably settled in a position in life you wont be able to change it unless you create some kind of imbalance or disharmony.

I changed my job some time ago to work with the MachoTherapist and it seems that this work change required a change on other levels too.

I was a great body worker  before my new job – I was making my way up and treating people I never dreamed of meeting before but I wanted something else too. I wanted to live other sides of me, discover my questions about life and being woman and be challenged more.

After spending a long time comfortably in my comfort zone – I am now almost daily out of it. And I love it (sometimes less). It feels like it is shaking my whole existence at times. I lived something similar before – and then my whole body changed and I lost 16kg due to the life change I did.

Now my challenge is making the way from being a massage therapist to a whole different work. My mindset was (sometimes still is) somehow in a harmonious state of being a massage therapist.

I took my first step when I quit my job but it seemed that was not enough to change years of adaptation. Eventually it started to change through the horse event – I started to break that harmony, simply because of getting aware of the need to reach a different result. My work was no longer to make people happy and relaxed but to bring out of myself much more vitality, make different experiences and bring fun and speed into my everyday’s work.

Oh I tell you it’s not so easy after I spent 8 years adapting to a relaxing way of working. The horse event brought me to realize that I am changing my “work herd” and I need to connect back to my savage powers to be able to make it to a new herd.

I asked for help also from the MT and he gave me some simple tips on making my blood move again. I am going running every morning now – to make sure I am not too relaxed. I do body combat so that I connect to my fighter and stay awake. One day he took the whole office to do woodwork and taught me how to use a chain saw. OOOOOH!!!! I have never felt so much like a princess with my high heals and chain saw – but powerful and definitely not a massage therapist.

I will also start dancing soon to make sure my body knows we are having fun – and also it is the new company policy and bosses order. Its as simple as that to start with – the rest will come through my attitude, which I find is following my body a lot. The more I challenge my body the better my attitude is and the newer I feel. Step by step finding my Lioness.

xoxo

Emmi

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