Taking a bite of the big apple (and a hot dog, a hamburger, a Belgian waffle, French toast, crispy bacon, hash browns, pizza, donut…fresh berries…) AND LIFE as I never knew it before…
New Years eve – New York City January 2011
It was 9PM and I was walking along Broadway in my high heels, by myself, somewhere between 13th and 15thstreet when suddenly, out of no where, I found myself flat on my face sliding across a crossing…
“Miss are you okay, ma’am are you fine, miss can I help you…”
…echoed in my ears while gliding on my stomach through the streets of NYC .
It was one day before New Years Eve. The MachoTherapist took his whole office including me to New York city to end the year, to mark a difference to the future by getting connected to the city of dreams and inspiration – a new speed and quality. For my boss the US seemed to offer something that he had been longing for for a long time – open, polite, funny and happy people, as well as creativity and variety of everything and anything you could need. Laying on the ground I had an amazing amount of time to think, considering it was only a couple of seconds.
“This is not funny – nor is it creative”.
I don’t know if there is a God but in that moment I had to ask:
“Seriously, are you kidding me? – I’ve been making mistakes all year and feeling embarrassed of myself on a steady basis – when will you give me a break?”
The city of unlimited possibilities right? – Well perfect, just give me an unlimited amount of possibilities and I will choose the one no one wants.
Why is that?
I think some bigger measurements were needed to knock me off my feet because I was definitely lacking some life. As I repeated a slow motion movie 10 times in 5 seconds– Starring: **me falling** – something came to my mind. My boss kept telling me that everything is about adaptation, and that as long as you live in a “village” in your mind you will create this “village” anywhere you go. (No offense people who come from villages – I come from a village myself – it’s meant as metaphor of a limiting belief). This is why sometimes it is hard to create different results because your belief is that you can’t. You are a “village” person no matter where you go, unless you start to open to something new and see that there is more to life than what you know.
What a perfect way to end a year that symbolized these “falling flat on my face moments”. I can not continue like this anymore, something’s gotta give. In 2010 I had started a dream job; full of possibilities, inspiration and creativity – kind of like NYC… and turned it into Wuppertal.
You might be asking – What’s in Wuppertal? And the answer is: EXACTLY!!!
But getting up from the gutter felt like a symbol. I fell down in Wuppertal and got up in NEW YORK CITY thanks to my boss! I was not in a village anymore and enough is enough. When I got up life felt different.
Do I have internal bleeding? Yeah maybe a bit on my ego – but what’s the point of falling if you don’t take something out of it to grow.
As I continued walking I felt free – I can fall down and I can get up. Simple as that. And maybe life is all about decisions – you’re gonna fall anyway someday – somehow, so why not enjoy the experience while you make it.
I decide, if I want to get up in Wuppertal or NYC.
So my lesson for 2011 is: When you think you’re in Wuppertal – look again, because you might be surrounded by the lights and life of NY and you just didn’t see it. When you think you are the looser woman of the year – look again, it can be that you just didn’t see where you belong and where you look, act and shine your best.
I got to experience a lot when I finally found myself in the city of dreams. I met some new friends, went on top of the rock, saw the year change at Times Square, I saw the lady of liberty, art, beauty and science. I tasted life in so many different flavors…
And I think found something like a direction – I know what I want, so maybe it’s easier to move now.
Thanks for taking me there MachoTherapist.