Happily ever after or what? – Princess in training (entry 8)

So now that we have established the type of princess I most connect to, I am finding myself with an obstacle. It was not quite enough to just realize I can be more – I think I need to experience it..

The story of Cinderella ends with her fitting the shoe on and it fits.

Yay!!!! 

And so starts THE “Happily ever after”: She really is a princess. She really deserves the man and she really deserves the kingdom and all the greatness that comes with it.

But now I am wondering – How does one deal with the happily ever after?

Have you ever been in a situation where there would be so much greatness around you, you could be so beautiful, have so many treasures and so much love… and you could not possibly believe it’s all for you?

And then you can’t handle it: You finally get the love that you always wanted. You finally get the recognition you dreamed of. You finally get the position you always thought you deserve.

AND THEN YOU START: You look for problems, you put yourself down, you stop moving, you destroy and argue…It’s like your mind hits a tilt and you have no program for being happy. There doesn’t seem to be enough space inside of you for all these feelings, all this vitality. Maybe because it might mean that you are not Cinderella anymore.

Who would you be then?

You try to avoid being paranoid Monster Princess with a Cinderella complex – and try to be Happy positive Princess with queen qualities.

But you keep expecting the evil stepmother or jealous stepsisters to come and rip your world apart? You keep expecting everything to vanish just as fast as it came and yourself back on your knees cleaning dirt. Somehow already dressed for the role of failure because you spent so many years making yourself believe you need to suffer…

I’m in a situation like that now. I had moments of such fulfillment, love, happiness and success and I can’t seem to handle it. I think the story of Cinderella needs a couple of sequels, since “just” Happily Ever After – definitely does not give me any answers.

For now it looks like my movies are:

Cinderella 2.  Beauty turns into beast

Cinderella 3.  BeautyBeast does MachoTherapy to find out how to be a queen.

I found this amazing quotation today while I was working on some video material.

 “Everything we do is materialization – Depending on the power you have –  you will materialize faster. If something is not materialized it does not mean that you did not materialize it, it just does not have enough space in your life. But if you grow it’s going to be there. So this greatness that you once materialized is going to be there if you have enough space for it”.  – The MachoTherapist

 This would mean that if happiness is too much for me – I did not grow enough to receive it and each time I have it I sabotage it. I am pretty convinced that I CAN materialize great things. I CAN reach amazing goals – but I am looking for the space inside of myself where to put it.

 Who would I be if I would be great?

How would my life change?

I guess the fastest way would be to try it, huh?

I experienced some days ago a very embarrassing conversation between myself and the MachoTherapist. I felt so fulfilled – everything with work was going great and we had a lot of good feedback… and I was screaming my head off.  I insulted my boss and did everything to get fired. Kind of like begging to be put back into the role of the cleaning lady… ( I wonder if Cinderella’s Happily ever after included a throwdown?)

I got the sneaking suspicion that I have been lying to myself – I am not really that Cinderella – deep down I believe I am “The Rock”.

 So instead of firing me – he gave me advice. He told me my Cinderella story (that I keep telling myself) in a different way. I believed it was about suffering but he turned it around. He said it’s about being special – that I have a need to be special. I have a need to be seen. I don’t want to be mistaken with all the other women so I need to be different.

 If the others are happy and successful – just to be different I crawl on the floor.

If the others belong to a family – just to be different I am the lonely fighter.

 If I understand that I have a need like that, then I can use it to grow and find much more satisfying ways to live those needs. Not having to crawl and suffer when all I want is to be special. If I understand that Cinderella has a huge need to win then I can use that too. Instead of being the poor shoeless victim – I can use the shoe trick to win.

 Instead of having evil stepsisters around they were actually just waiting for me to finally take responsibility for my life. Compete more and keep proving to myself that I am the winner. Until I believe it… and like magic – my space will change. So instead of Happily Ever After – my story would continue with: “Cinderella kicks ass”.

 So now – is Cinderella really Cinderella if she admits that she is – in it to win it?

 Isn’t that a whole other fairytale already?

Xoxo

Emmi

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