The past days I’ve been thinking about this “Princess in training” concept. If I would be living a fairytale, which princess would I be?
Xena – the warrior princess?
Think about it…
I have to say: All these classic fairytales really suck!
All these beautiful women were victims (except for Xena who was trying to make amends for being so brutal in her past life). They were slaves, locked away, hidden away, poisoned, tortured, mentally abused and punished. Or fighting like men. Equally having trouble with relationships and taking their rightful positions.
Of course in the end they found their prince and lived happily ever after.
It just makes me wonder:
WHAT THE HELL KIND OF ROLE MODELS ARE THEY?!!
Don’t you find it funny that we read these stories when we are young – thinking they are beautiful love stories that tell about the endurance of true love and beauty?
But on the flip side of the coin we also learn:
To be able to find your prince and live your “happily ever after” you need to be a victim
You need to be a lonely fighter,
You will live with jealous and cunning people,
You will need to go through hell and THEN you will live happily ever after.
Which princess would you be?
The one who sits in her lonely tower and waits for a miracle man to climb up her hair? Believing that she needs to suffer because of the choises her parents made?
The one who lives with 7 men but none of them is really her dream guy? Believing, she is not allowed to live her potential and beauty?
The amazing beauty who lives in her dreams and waits for a wake- up call? Believing that one day life will happen – if she just sleeps long enough?
If I look at my own life I definitely chose Cinderella as my “Princess idol”. I am finding a Cinderella pattern in my mind.
Let me give you an example how it works: Just keep saying – No I don’t need anything. No I don’t want anything – no really – I am FIIIINE. Life is just great as it is – I just suffer because I feel I don’t have enough and I never stand up for myself, but it’s fine. Thank you for being so kind to me but I really don’t need anything. No I really don’t need to live my potential, no really I like talking to mice and cleaning up after you…
No really I don’t need to look beautiful all the time (unless you would like to give me a magic surprise, a car, a house, some horses, servants and a super make-over?)
I think: to be able to get what I want I need to suffer, to be able to live love I need to be a victim first, I need to leave shoes all over the place and wait that someone returns them, I can be beautiful and amazing only one night at a time and then I go back in hiding, I can’t directly say what I want because Cinderella’s can only wish and dream and wait for someone else to make her dreams come true.
But you know what happened. One day instead of finally meeting my fairy God-Mother – a MachoTherapist rode his Harley into my life – returned my shoe and told me to stop leaving it in places.
“Oh thank you for bringing my shoe back! It seems I lost it somewhere”
His reply was: You know what – I don’t think so – it seems you keep leaving your shoes all over the place wanting people to run after you. Playing the victim and poor one. When actually you want SO MUCH MORE. Why don’t you just go for your dream life and stop playing Cinderella?”
I felt such anger – How did he dare to interrupt my story and play a character that did not fit at all. There was no MachoTherapist in Cinderellas life and he definitely did not tell her to stop playing the victim.
Suddenly Cinderella started to look a lot like Xena – The warrior princess inside of me was boiling with rage. How embarrassing! How can it be that I keep on living the victim story? How can it be that I don’t dare to go for something more? Wish for something clear? How long will I keep on waiting for the fairy godmother to fix my life?
It was clear that Cinderella is the queen of sending mixed signals – YES….BUT NO…YES….but no….
How does one get over a Cinderella pattern then and dare to go for MORE?
Maybe me wanting SO MUCH MORE means to be more than one role? Maybe there’s nothing wrong with being a Cinderella – but if I stick with only that story I don’t need a clairvoyant to tell me what kind of life I will live untill my happily ever after….
Since the discovery of being a Cinderella – I felt so embarrased of my “good nature” and decided I want more. I allowed myself to TAKE – Maybe for the first time in my life without feeling like I don’t deserve it.
I entered a flow where things just happened without a fight – beautifully and naturally! And even if there was a fight I could go through it (like Xena 😉 ). I enjoyed life so much – I could not believe how great things could be just by changing the role.
So now being aware of having this need to TAKE – I start to feel more honest and my life feels like it is actually changing.